Is your marriage out-of-shape? Once a marriage has gotten to the point of sarcastic comments, empty threats, non-communication, it's hard to know what to do to get it back to the way it once was. It's not like you can hire a marriage trainer who can come into your home and correct your bad habits and strengthen your marriage by creating good habits. Yes, you can see a counselor, but the work is on you. Maybe your marriage is not in that bad of shape, but you know it needs a little more work than you've been putting into it.
I recently had a friend who was struggling in her marriage. Here's some advice I gave her (plus a little more):
If your husband enjoys a neat and tidy home (and you're not typically inclined to have it that way), 30 minutes before he arrives home assign each family member a “zone” of the house to work quickly on! Not deep-cleaning, here, just sprucing up the place to let him feel good about coming home—dirty clothes, toys, dishes, & shoes put away, etc. If you do this correctly, by letting him know you’re all trying to make his workload lighter at home and that you appreciate how hard he works for your family (even if the work is self-imposed and you don’t necessarily think it needs to be done), he will feel more appreciated and less tired from doing all this himself.
Learn your husband's love language (get the book by Gary Chapman). Chances are he gives and receives love differently than you. For instance, my primary love language is acts of service. When Cowboy does the dishes, sweeps the floor, cleans the van, or makes the bed I feel SO loved by him. I know he does things like that to lighten my burden. His love languages are physical touch and quality time. When I sit with him on the couch and hold hands while watching a TV show or watching something on the laptop, it speaks volumes to him.
Men love to be praised and encouraged. Thank him for everything he does. Text him sweet nothings. Tell him he does a great job. Even if you don’t feel like he gives you words of encouragement, be the bigger person and use loving words to and about him.
If you're wanting to change your husband, beware! It seems like most of the work of “changing” your husband actually comes from changing your own attitude about and towards your husband. I know that sounds awful, but I’ve noticed it to be true in our marriage.
Go on a date! Find a babysitter or a family member to watch the kids and go out with your hubby!!! Let him know it’s important to you that you 2 continue to work on your own relationship. If you only have money for a sitter and not a date, get creative! You can go to a bookstore and enjoy some time together while looking at magazines and books. Looking at a Southern Living magazine while your hubby looks at Sports Illustrated probably wouldn't be your best choice, but you people are smart enough to make good date night reading selections.
Finally, the one that you might not want to hear: HAVE SEX! I’ve discovered that no matter how TIRED I am, sex is a very good thing for marriage. Extra grace seems to be extended after sex!
Enjoy getting back into shape!!!
